Goodbye, i'll find you soon.

I would like to say before you start reading I can't stop sneezing, not small sneezes. Vicious, hard core, if-you-don't-sneeze-right-you'll-blow-your-ear-drums sneezes.

I'm not truly expecting anyone to understand how I feel right now unless you have been to this glorious, Spirit-filled place I am writing about this morning. For the past 8 years I have gone/experienced/studied at/worked at a place called Snowbird Wilderness Outfitters. The only way I can describe it is: Unlike any other camp you have EVER been to. The staff, completely sold out; yet not your "average" Christian Camp Staff. Camp is just...unable to be described with words. No, i'm not being over dramatic. Unless you go, you will never understand. NEVER.

It isn't Snowbird that made me grow in my walk with Christ, it was God in the midst of them that allowed my heart to be open to Christ in ways it would have never, ever been any other place. I was a camper for 6 years. I then did a semester exploring God's creation through NC,GA, AL, and Honduras; immersed in Scripture and put in situations that require trust.

I had the opportunity last summer to work at this "camp on steroids" and it. was. awesome.

I really don't have words, it's either that it's 4:00 a.m or it's just that great. :) (Latter for sure :P)

Anyways, back to the reason for this post. This is the only way I can put it, and yes, some of it is redundant.

Reality finally set in that i'm not at camp. I was in the first group of 30 to go to SWO 8 years ago. I have NEVER been a summer without camp for as long as I can remember.
It's not just the "I always go, so I should be going" it's so much bigger than that. From 7th grade onward that is the place where God changed my life. That's where I met God, and continued to have intimate dates with Him. That's where my courtship began. It's like i'm taking a "Break" from my love. Not camp, but like i'm moving away from my favorite romantic spot with my love. We are still close but i'm saying goodbye to a part of my heart too.
Camper, Old Schooler, Staff. As cheesy as it sounds, that's where I let God rescue me. Let Him capture my heart and break the hard edges. That's where I let Him use me with reckless abandon.

I know what to compare it to, sending your love, absolute with out a doubt love off to war. You don't know if your relationship will ever be the same. You've prepared for it for weeks, even months knowing the time would come; you thought it would be okay. Then it is there, and they get on the bus and drive away. Sure, you will get to experience it again. It's just never the same. And your heart breaks.

Yes, i'll be there this weekend; but I don't know hardly any of the staff this year..and well, i'm different. Friendships are different. I'm so different. It's a good thing, but you know...sometimes college is way hard. I love my life, and my God. I don't regret the decisions that had to be made this summer. Sometimes God's plans are just hard to swallow. Although i'm positive it will all make sense someday.

Next post will be on Pastor's message tonight. And hopefully I will stop sneezing by then.