Beauty that Lasts

My heart is eluding with a joy that is indescribable.

Not that I have anything mastered, if I ever claim that please find me and slap me in the face, I would be a liar.

I won't hide from you my heart though, I discovered something during Bible Study tonight that captivated me…not only was my beauty not something to hide, but my beauty was envied. No, I do not claim that I am the most beautiful on my outward appearance, and praise God! Because I know that it would become a source of pride in my heart. But, well, i'm just going to copy and paste what I sent to a dear friend of mine:

"Tonight in Bible Study, oh it was so intense, such a vulnerable time just to be transparent with other women. I am captivated by Christ, seriously…there is this joy that is exuding from my pores…haha gross analogy isn't it? But seriously, I have never felt such joy in this freedom in Christ. Seeing hurts in others and recognizing it as lies that I believed. Not that it's not a struggle, it's daily, hourly…but, I learned something I had NEVER heard or pondered before.

Satan, we hear that he was the most beautiful of all…he was gorgeous, but when he fell he lost that beauty. There is no way he can be beautiful ever again. Who did he attack in the garden? The very person that exhibited God's beauty, Eve. Who and what does he continue to attack, who does he try to make so vulnerable we break under the pressure? Women and our beauty, our worth.

I heard that and I was absolutely stunned. I had never thought about the beauty a woman holds as a threat to satan, but that's exactly it. Whether it's outward or inward, he wants to make us feel as though we aren't worth it because when we are masked by our insecurity we veil our beauty. But, it's the beauty of a woman that heals, it's the beauty of a woman's soul that can bind up broken hearts..it's the beauty of the heart that radiates to the outside that captivates.

I'm so in awe. Our beauty and worth have power. Of course satan is attacking you darling, because he see's who you are going to be and he's afraid of it. My friend, take heart right now. I know, I know, it's really really REALLY hard..but I feel like you're being attacked because He knows how strong you really are. You are worth it, you are absolutely beautiful, you have a heart that I admire. Everyone loves you because of your wisdom and your passion for the things of Christ. Don't let the lies penetrate you and get you down.

You are worth it and you are a valiant warrior beauty, and HE is fighting for you."

To be honest I feel this way about every woman, my heart breaks for all of us. O! The lies we have believed, the truth and love that God is waiting to bestow on us. He BESTOWS beauty on us.

Something that I feel God has called me to in the future is marriage, I would love to be married, but I do not think that it is a perfect love story like is depicted in movies.I guess, for so long i've been captivated by this idea of being married that I have been distracted from my True Love. Oh yes, I knew He was there, and I pursued him…half heartedly, but then I was romanced by Him. Romanced in the way that we as women desire, we seek it out in movies, or books..or whatever way we can. We fail though at finding a satisfying romance, we date around…and are not satisfied, some marry, and are not satisfied. Yet, we wonder "why?". Well, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in YOU" as St. Augustine said. It's so true. My goodness, i'm so captivated by how much he loves us. Seriously, He LOVES us with an unfailing love that is imperishable, He has given EVERYTHING, would DO anything to reveal that to us. Yet, we are blinded by satan. Blinded by lies. For so long, even during ministry I have been blinded..yes, I have served, but now with my heart having been broken and opened…everything is different.

My mind can no longer process and I feel as if I could go on for longer..but, sleep and early morning phone dates are calling my name…and the dentist that looks like a guy from camp.

Prepare yourself for a lot of reading...

Restless, I am restless until I rest in you O God. Oh repeat was one of the greatest inventions known to the iPod generation. Although, car sickness was not. I must say that I get carsick easily, maybe it’s the fact I consumed almost half a liter of water in the past ten minutes. I haven’t posted anything on here in a long time, I guess it’s just as well. I’ve been learning a lot and there would have been so many confusing posts up until now.

Road Trips and I have a love/hate relationship. They are fun with friends, sometimes fun with family, but never fun 4 hours into the trip. It’s the first few and last few that always make up the most memorable experiences. Of this i’m absolutely positive. A few examples to assure you that i’m right.

Old School Semester 2008, Sea Kayaking section. 12 people in a 15 passenger van traveling from Andrews, NC to the Everglades, FL. That in itself should be enough right there, but some moments include, driving through GA and passing by a huge peach as Brittany yells in a very agitated manner that the “peach” we were referring to was really a pear. False, GA Peaches. It made for a hilarious moment though. Another from that trip would be forgetting to get the passcode for the campground we were staying at and the guys legitimately guessing the code and getting in at midnight. Impressive, if that’s illegal then I omit that statement.

Last Thursday I drove up to camp with the other Brittany and we, during the long drive, got really entertained at strange billboards. Really, who thinks of some of those. Ironically they were in Georgia as well. Maybe Georgia is just the state I have a love/hate relationship with? It is always the longest to drive through going to camp or school. Well, i’m glad I figured that out.

The real point of this is to say, I am driving (through GA) home from camp. The sad thing is those of you that read this and have never been to Snowbird will never understand the torn emotions at that statement. It’s the strangest feeling, driving down the four-way away from Andrews and Murphy. It’s as if part of your mind is screaming “ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TURN AROUND NOW” and the other part of me knows I have to go home, and I have to go back to the ministry I am called to next semester. Oh, how I wish it was camp all year. One week of working at camp is like running a marathon then only drinking half a nalgene of water. Terrible idea . I’m kidding, it was great to be in that community and get to meet new staff this past week. It totally solidified that passion God has placed in my life. I love people, and I am absolutely in love with working with teen girls. I love, and this may be weird to you, sitting and listening to their hearts and passions, and pain, then showing them the overwhelming power of Christ.

It’s a little overwhelming to think that it is what God calls me to do. Partially because it was always such a big dream of mine going through middle and high school. I don’t think I would have ever pictured my life the way it is right now. Praise God. What a treasure we have in Christ, who fulfills his purpose for our lives in a way greater than we could have ever comprehended. I’m really excited to see what My Beloved has planned for me next. I’m really excited that he has placed at Liberty this semester, a large group of Snowbird Staff. Let’s be honest, it is one of the biggest blessings ever.

I guess i don’t really know what it feels like to fall in love, but if Idid, then I could assure you that i’m over love, I am drowning in adoration for My Beloved, absolutely sinking. Not, that it means I am great, or perfect. I sometimes think that makes me more like an open wound. Susceptible to more pain because the more I get to know him, the more II see how absolutely unworthy I am of this love He has given me. BUT! He loves me is absolutely captivated by me. I know, it’s so great, i’m loving every minute of it. I love realizing how hard He is pursuing me, and getting to know him more intimately. The reason i’m telling you this isn’t for my own gain, but I just think it’s great how He does that with each one of us. God sees us in complete ruin, and reaches down and rescues us, brings us up and let’s us rest in Him. He pursues us even when we run away, still stretching out His hands to hold us and forgive us when we come back to him. Living He loved me, Dying He saved me, Buried He carried my sins far away, Rising He justified freely forever. Now He is coming! Oh Glorious Day!

Really, this is just lovely. I hope you feel the same way about Him that I do.

Oh, one of my absolute best friends Brittany Bingham got engaged. Yeah, it’s awesome. I’m so excited. Have I ever mentioned how much I love weddings.