The woman I want to be...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, she laughs at days to come."

There are things that I look back at and second guess my choices, I know, I know. Don't look back, make a choice that you are positive it right and don't look back . If that's the case, well, I don't do so well. There are friendships that I let fade because I was tired of pretending, and tired of always having to please them. And they are done, there are things that I don't regret about doing that, we just weren't going in the same direction. It happens. It's those what if's...two simple words that when put together mean something so much more intense and haunting.

What about decisions to do the more "responsible" thing and give up the part of you that you absolutely love. The thing you feel that you are called to do? Was it a decision made in a time of complete exhaustion in every area of my life? Or maybe it really was the best choice for everyone? I am still in complete shock that I am not there, how am I not there pretending to be giving CPR or learning skits? How am I not in a cabin on top of the hill trying to hear if there is a rodent in the roof as we sleep? Or putting a cup underneath the small hole that is letting a consistent small drop of water hit the floor?

I just want to lay on the floor and just yell STOP! I don't want to do this anymore! Life doesn't always go how we want or try to plan it.

I guess that's the beauty of trusting it all to God, that the choices we make are not a surprise to Him, even if it's a dumb decision or a decision He wants that we just do not understand.

Let us sing praises to the King, the only One who is faithful to see us through.

Oh, that I would become the lady that Proverbs talks about, that I could emulate her every move.

To be a woman so faithful, honest, and loving.

Waiting. Laughing at days to come.

Worth it.