Holding Pattern

This is the common theme for me these days, talking about waiting and such. Something clicked in my head tonight, well, a few things. It's a miracle I tell you, this time in the semester I feel more brain dead than intuitive.

College is the biggest waiting game I think i've ever experienced. I was waiting to get into college, waiting to get moved in to college life, waiting to see what my major would actually be. In college you're waiting to finish a semester, waiting to graduate, waiting to see if your GPA is high enough for an honors club or graduate school. You wait to see if the man you will marry will suddenly leave flowers on your windowsill, you wait to see if you will even get married. You wait to see if you will get a job, who you are, what you'll end up doing, what leadership team you'll be on…ect. College is made up of waiting, and it drives me (and everyone I know) CRAZY.

So in the midst of my waiting game, or holding pattern, whatever would be more appropriate; and in the middle of my brain melting from stress, exhaustion, and just end-of-semester everything I finally found something that God used to speak to me. It has been so long since i've had the slightest feeling of anything deep in my soul (and by so long, I mean, I am so exhausted I just can't FEEL anything). So I read about waiting, and then they compared our season's of waiting with David (from the Bible).

David spent years shepherding sheep. YEARS. Hours a day slinging rocks at predators, doing the same thing thousands of other teen boys were doing. But those humdrum times were critical in God's economy. It was there where David began learning of God and gaining revelation of Him unmatched in that day. It was there where David's heart became one after God's own. It was there where David learned to be still, and know that God is God. It's kind of funny that we can look back and see how it was a time of preparation for David, I mean, he wouldn't have killed Goliath without them, he wouldn't be "a man after God's own heart" and a King if he hadn't learned to listen to God in those silent times in the field.

This was my favorite part of that blog:

"What feels like your dead-end right now could be the most critical season for what lies ahead. Now is the time for you to touch eternity. Get to know the One you desire to serve. Let your roots grow down deep so that your ministry flows from intimacy. Turn this season of apparent waiting into one of embracing Him who calls and equips.

“Whoever can be trusted with very little,” Jesus said, “can be trusted with much.” This job and season might seem little to you — as little as slinging a rock seemed to David. But that rock-slinging wasn't little to God. It was absolutely essential on multiple levels.

Being still and waiting might not be the favorites of present-day society, but they are still critical priorities in the Kingdom of God. This time in your life is fertile ground for God to shape Christ-like character, growing roots that have the strength to hold a tree and the fruit it bears. It may be that the only way you could waste it is by wishing it away."

I think that sums it up perfectly.

And now, look what I have to rest in. This is a season, and someday I won't be able to spur-of-the-moment pack up my laptop, Bible and various books and head off campus to Barnes and Noble, grab my favorite coffee, and be ALONE. So, I will enjoy these moments before they are no longer here, even if I desire something else. I have to fall in love with Jesus here, in this time, because if He isn't enough when He is all I have, then He won't be enough when I have everything I desire.

Yes, joy, hope, and love to others even when I look around and realize just about every table is full of couples, I will be with couples next weekend, I will be in a wedding, and then go home to celebrate a marriage that just happened with my friends. Yes, and answer the dreaded question: "So, are there any guys in your life right now?". I can serve God fully without a relationship, or whatever the world tells me I "must have" to be successful. There, pep talk.

Now, I must go take my first final.

Rings, flings, and other things

Okay, there really isn't a "fling" it just rhymed.

They say Spring is the time when the most relationships start, I say, FALSE! Fall is in fact the time for budding relationships to blossom…or shrivel up like the dying leaves. Good analogy? I believe it's safe to say that I have 20 friends, not couples, friends who have started serious relationships/gotten married/engaged since the summer, but mainly fall. Crazy, right?

I guess I am saying that i'm fine being here, but it's exciting to see everyone else start a new chapter of life; and experience that with them.

I can't believe this is the last week of classes before finals and break. The semester went by so fast and I have so much to do! Applications to turn in this week, projects to finish, tests to study for, weddings to be in, miles to drive home..you know. The normal…right?

I guess, as a young woman now, and as someone who has no idea what God is calling her to; it's easy for me to wonder what the rest of this winter will hold. Will it blossom into something beautiful and unexpected, or is it not yet time?

I guess it's something that..you're right, only time will tell. As I write this a girl just came in gushing about a date, exciting..and a chance to be envious..but ALAS! perfect timing. Perfect timing...

Church was really good today, i'm blessed to be apart of the community of believers I am in. He (one of the pastors) talked about Baptism, how it was so important to realize how much Christ has given for us; and what that means since we have been baptized. At the end of the sermon they played a video about changing the world. It sunk in, this is where I am now, and this is my time to do what God has called me to do; even if it's alone.

And in this I find my rest, and now I will find rest in the comfort of my bed as well…and hopefully I will wake up and it will be snowy outside again…or something like that :)

Bringing me to life

This is a time in my life where God is reinforcing so many things I believe, or tell my girls about, into daily life for me. As in, it's easy for me to believe something because I know it's Biblical truth and to tell girls who come and ask for advice on it…but, it's so much harder when I have to apply it to my life

Ah, so much easier said than done. As it always is.

"God is waiting for you to say and believe that I need Him more than I need my dreams to happen.

His grace is more than enough to not only heal a broken heart but fill it overflowing.

He is waiting for me to realize have that dreams on my list would not make me

feel more fulfilled than picking up my cross to follow Him."

I'm a woman, let's be real…I desire to be a wife and a mother. There BAM it's written. I know that the majority of women feel this way if they aren't married, especially if they are single and about to graduate and enter the real world…alone. It's terrifying to be honest. But, we can't anchor our identity in something smaller than Jesus. I know for myself it's something that has enslaved me. Who doesn't want to be loved and cherished and with a man of God who is leading you and serving in ministry alongside of you? I mean, it's something I feel that God has created me for.It's when I let that desire become so much stronger than anything else that it isn't good. I, as a woman of God, need to be immersed in the ministry and service He has called me to at THIS moment.

Our identity, security, purpose and meaning must be found in Christ, the One who has already chosen and accepted you.

There, i'm done ranting. So, things are stressful and don't always work out as hoped/planned/expected…but that doesn't mean that GOD is not BIG enough, STRONG enough, or WORTHY enough.

Because Jesus has won I am free to fail,

because Jesus is strong I am free to be weak,

because Jesus is someone, I am free to be no one.

"Oh God, let your grace illuminate the heart in me, you're brining me to life,

and i'm finding who I am in you. You're changing me inside

and i'm finding who I am in you, who I am in you."